Waiting For You
by Taisi
Summary: I realized I should probably be afraid- the light was dimming, the room beginning to tip at odd angles, the faces of my family blurring together and then apart oddly. But I wasn't scared- I was going to see her again. -Warning: character death-


A/N: This isn't happy. I don't feel obliged to write happy endings all the time. I wrote this when I was tired. So...enjoy.

Warning: Character death. Don't flame me for OOCness, okay? Jeez.

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Bridge to Terabithia.

Waiting For You

My mind was a single mass of confusion. As soon as I fell asleep _that night, _I woke up with no recollection of anything that had happened. I had just forgotten everything I'd heard, everything I'd been told. It's like, my head erased it all to ease my pain, or something. I expected nothing but a normal day; it was Sunday, so I went downstairs to start my chores--maybe if I finished in time, I'd have enough daylight left to visit Terabithia with _her. _But my mother had stopped me at the door, asked me to sit down and have breakfast. My sisters were quiet around me, giving me sidelong glances as they pretended to be engrossed in their meal. Maybell looked confused; I didn't understand why. Mom said that afterwards, her, Dad and I would go over to the Burke's house to pay respects. It still didn't register, even then.

We walked over to the house, Mom with a casserole dish of something she'd baked for the ocassion; I didn't understand how food went along with "paying respects". Even then, I still don't think I understood. I saw pictures of her, everywhere. Of a blond-haired, bright-eyed girl, with that knowing, wondering, open smile; "hey, look at me". She was everywhere. But I couldn't seem to find her. I saw her parents standing there, dressed in black, faces red and tearstained. Her dad brought me close in a hug, as though I were his son; it confused me all the more, but I could never have pulled away from an embrace like that. He'd spoken to me in a hushed tone, voice breaking here and there, and he cut himself off several times.

I walked in a daze away from them, still glancing about for _her. _Where was she? All of her family, it seemed, was here...And then Ms. Edmunds walked past, hair pulled up away from her beautiful face, blue eyes bright against her pale skin and dark eyeliner. She was wide-eyed, looking as lost as I did, and she seemed almost scared when she saw me. I didn't know why...I told her that next time we went anywhere, _she _should come with us--it'd be so much more fun that way, right?

The next day at school, I was on edge for some reason. I couldn't breathe right--I couldn't see very far ahead of me. Something in my chest was constricting painfully each time I withdrew my sketchbook, each time I glanced at the empty seat beside me. I opposed the truth, rejected it, unaware that I was. It just couldn't be true, there was no way. It was unconceivable, impossible. Those adults didn't know what they were talking about.

_She _would show up any time now. She'd be there, smiling and chirping out her usual salutation, flopping gracefully down beside me, close enough that we brushed shoulders. Already planning the day's adventures.

"So, looks like you're the fastest kid in the school now, huh?"

Something in me snapped; my mind shut down and instinct took over. I stood, surrounded by shadows cast by the leaves dancing on the limbs in the trees, by the soft hush the wind made rushing against the wood and brush, by the steady eyes of the Terabithians all around me. My fist clenched and flew forward, and suddenly I was back in a small classroom, surrounded by desks, by gasping students. I sat down, feeling the heat still in my blood, the anger in my core; I'm sure my face showed it. I was told by the teacher to wait out in the hall; I went without a word, without a look back.

I was expecting a lecture, punishment. But when the teacher stepped out, she told me simply that she understood a slight variation of my pain; she told me that she knew she would never feel it as strongly as I did. She told me that when her late husband died, everyone told her not to cry, to just forget. I turned my face away; my eyes were burning for some reason. Forget? The day passed in a haze. I was aware of the stares, the whispers, but I also wasn't at the same time. I knew they were there, but it's like my mind's eye just glanced over them. They were the hidden flaws in a giant stretch of canvas, the miniscule detail in a large-scale painting; they were there, but unnoticed if one didn't care to look for them.

I wasn't looking for much of anything anymore. The teachers left me alone, but those two jerks didn't. I couldn't even remember who they were; they were just enemies. Servents of the Dark Master. Did I understand what was real and what was fake anymore? I think I did--I just got the two mixed up.

I was sure that I would soon wake up from the nightmare I was having; I wouldn't be in this fabricated world for much longer. As soon as I got off that bus, I could run to where I belonged, run to _my _world, to a world of magic and monsters and darkness and light and good and evil...and _her. _

But no. I got home after an unexpected encounter from Janice, and ran...but she wasn't there. I couldn't find her; where had she gone? I yelled for her, searched, sprinted through the trees, heard the Terabithians scurry around me, aiding me in my hopeless quest.

Maybell tried to follow me. I got angry at her, shoved her away. I didn't need Maybell. I didn't need any of those _outsiders. _I needed my Queen. I needed _her._

The Dark Master almost got me then. He was so close to me, inches away--I closed my eyes, screamed, fell. When I opened them, I wasn't in Terabithia anymore. An _outsider _was there, holding me close, telling me it was alright.

That was it, right there; that someone--an adult, of all things--who didn't understand the power, the magic, the _laws _of Terabithia to be there, to actually be _in that land..._It had all disappeared. My world, my precious place had crumbled out from beneath me, had fallen away from my grasp. I didn't think I'd ever see it again.

What did it matter? _She _was gone.

Nothing mattered anymore. I was alone. The Burkes moved away; they took Prince Terrien with them. My last ally, gone...

I felt like I had to make it up to my family. I put on a smile, let them think I'd gotten over my loss. I even deluded Maybell into thinking she was the next Terabithian princess. The Terabithians went along with it. They felt my pain like it was their own; I apologized, deeply, but they understood. I was their king, after all. When Maybell left, they let me in on a little secret:

There was another way into Terabithia. Another way...They told me _she _had entered through this way, and was waiting for me. _She _was there now--I just couldn't see her, because her entire self had been accepted by the magic, that she was a part of it in a way I wasn't. I asked them, desperately, how I might find her again--they said they'd be happy to aid their king; but to enter, I'd have to be sure there was nothing I had to lose outside Terabithia. Nothing I needed. Nothing I'd miss.

I thought about it. Told them I was sure. Everything I needed was within the realm of Terabithia. Everything, everything was there. They told me what to do; told me they were all waiting. I assured them as I left that I'd be back; and this time I would never, ever leave them.

---

The pain dulled after awhile. I couldn't feel it. The blood beaded off my skin; it occurred to me suddenly that I should have chosen a cleaner way to go. But this had been the most efficient. I was dying before anyone else got home; when they walked through the front door, found me on the floor, leaning against the kitchen counter, they were appalled, and Mom burst into tears, falling to her knees beside me and rubbing her fingers through my hair, fluttered them over my open cut, looking anguished. I felt a little guilty about that, but what could be done? There was no going back now.

Dad paced and yelled loudly, something I couldn't make out. My sisters were either crying or screaming, wide eyes trained on me in horror. I felt a bit of cold humor grip me; when had they ever looked so closely at me? Did someone have to die for me to get attention around here? I should have tried this a long time ago--but a long time ago I was weaker. I was dependent.

That hadn't changed. I needed _her. _I needed her. She was the air I breathed, she was my world. She was waiting in my world. Waiting so patiently for me, waiting with the rest of my people. How could I keep them waiting any longer?

I realized I should probably be afraid; the light was dimming, the room beginning to tip at odd angles, the faces of my family blurring together and then apart oddly. I was going. Why wasn't I scared? It was _her. _Her face, her eyes, her smile, filling my senses, all I could see, all I knew. Hands were rubbing my face, someone was shrieking for me not to shut my eyes, for me to stay with them.

Why would I do that? If I was intentionally dying--if I really was going this far--did they think their words alone would be enough to stop me? Only one person would have changed my mind. I would have fought for _one person. _But in this case, to fight would be to fight away from her. I would never, never...

My vision grayed. Thumping footsteps in the doorway, strangers in white kneeling beside me, checking my arm with gloved hands. Calling back for help, someone else rushing in with a stretcher. They dragged me onto it; someone's hand gripped mine tightly until I reached the ambulance. I was fading fast; I watched them rush about me, knew their attempts to be futile. I wanted to laugh, to point that out to them, but I was suddenly so tired. A small smile flitted across my face, drawing the attention of one of the medics at my side. He paused, leaning over me, questioning me hurriedly...I could see in his eyes that he knew I was too far gone, that there was no way he could save me.

I told him softly how relieved I was; how happy I was. How I finally would see her again. It was strangely difficult to get the words out, but I had to tell someone. A strange look crossed his face; then he laid his hand down on mine, and squeezed, saying nothing. Did he not believe me? Did he think I didn't know what I was talking about? The nerve. Still, I couldn't pull my arm away--it was too stiff and heavy.

It happened suddenly. There were a few more seconds of that strange ease; and then the monitor behind me started beeping erratically. It frightened me a little; my grip on the medic's hand tightened, and he soothed me quickly, told me it was alright. I didn't believe him, but I was glad for his attempt.

Suddenly, Terabithians were all around me, congratulating me, helping me to sit up. I felt light. I frowned, confused, and glanced behind me; there was my body, cold and unmoving. The heartrate monitor droned suddenly, the erratic beepings fading out into one continuous buzz. And then hands were grasping my sleeves and hands and I was being pulled forward.

Transcending all laws of physics and time, I was past the frayed rope, the fallen tree, standing within my world. My Terabithia.

And she was there. She smiled at me, held a hand out to me. She whispered my name softly, voice the sound of leaves in the wind, of water vapor misting against glass, of a thousand tides, a thousand shooting stars. For a moment my heart (was it still beating?) seemed to stop its workings rather painfully, becoming an aching mass in my chest. And then it was flailing wildly, I was running, and I had her in my arms.

"Leslie."

Owari

A/N: No flames, please, this is a fanfiction. I personally believe that their's was a stronger bond than any other, so Jess shouldn't have let it go so easily. And that thing with Maybell becoming the "princess" of Terabithia really made me mad. I mean, sure she could _visit _Terabithia, but the new ruler-to-be? I think not. -grumbles-

(This has bugged me for a long time: I only just now got enough motivation to do something about it. -slurps up ramen- So, continue on with your lives, my good readers.)


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